Family and friends of Lyme patients celebrate Christmas

The merriest time of year is upon us, so I has Lymes decided to speak to friends and family about Lyme patients. We wanted to know how they would be making accommodations for or helping their chronically ill friends and family members feel a part of the celebrations. They were full of helpful hints and solid ideas as how best to cope and give, for themselves and for those suffering. All names have been changed to protect identities. We want people to be able to speak openly and freely. Zero inhibitions.

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Anya: “My boyfriend has Lymes now. I liked him when he was healthy. Now all he does is sleep and complain about how much everything hurts. It’s super annoying. I’ll celebrate in the morning with him before going to my families. He’s probably happier being left alone all day anyway. Ya know, his new favorite activity is sleeping. I bought a red silk teddy to surprise him but he never wants to have sex anymore so I’ll probably just wear it for the guy I’ve been secretly seeing on the side. I don’t want to hurt his feelings over the holidays so I’ll dump him after the New Year. Definitely before Valentine’s Day. I’m young and I want to have fun. This is so not fun for me.

Stephen: “Is this a joke? Lymes disease is a fake disease. Get away from me you tin foil hat wearing freak.”

Cheryl: “My daughter has Lymes. I personally think what she really needs is to get more exercise. I know she wanted me to pay for a doctor’s appointment and medicine but I decided to get her something she could really use; a gym membership and an appointment with my therapist. “

Brian:  “I have a sister who claims to have chronic Lymes but none of us believe her. She’s fucking crazy. Why bother with her. Christmas is for normal people and people with money. She doesn’t have shit. What could she possibly do for my family? It’s not like she’s buying gifts for my kids. Fuck her.”

Jenny: “This girl I know has Lymes and is all alone this holiday season. I wanted to invite her to spend the day with us but she has all these weird allergies and limitations. I don’t feel comfortable trying to adapt to her needs. It’s too much right now. We’re busy. Maybe in January I’ll invite her for dinner. It’s easier then.”

I has Lymes has some tips for those friends and family members. Stop disregarding those who are suffering. Invite them to dinner. Go and visit. Send a card. Make a call. Say I love you. Want to buy a gift? Send gift certificates to grocery stores, pharmacies, pay a doctors bill, send a cleaning woman, or better yet, go on over and help them yourselves. And the most important piece of advice I can give?

Get your heads out of your asses. Start caring about humanity. Stop judging. Get your priorities straight. Remember, God is judging you. It is Christmas after all. Baby Jesus doesn’t like selfish, ugly, ignorant, hypocritical fools.

It’s Lymes not Lyme

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How many times do I have to remind the world that I have Lymes disease not Lyme. That one little letter is the bane of my existence. Do I have only one tiny Lyme bacteria destroying my life? No. I have lots and lots of the dirty little bastards. Check yo English my none Lymes comrades. I have buckets of bacteria and the last I checked when there is a multiple of ANYTHING you add an “S” to the end of the word. Is it Limes disease? Or Lime disease? No. I am not a single piece of citrus nor am I multiple pieces of citrus. Don’t get me wrong. I love me some fresh lime in my fresh squeezed juice (organic of course), straight from my overpriced juicer but please, stop. Just stop. My days are long. My frustrations are many. Get it right or I will correct you but not before I let out a long deep sigh, roll my eyes and do my best to make you feel like a complete and total idiot for getting it all wrong.