Lyme Docs Now Accepting All Insurance Plans

 

A week long intensive collaboration between LLMP’s (Lyme Literate Medical Physicians) and Insurance Companies yielded major results. 2015 marked the year that Lyme Physicians finally got sick of listening to their patients bitch and complain about insurance issues and the fact that they won’t accept any. None. At all. Not a single plan. Making the decision to put their heads together and come up with a workable option, the doctors met at an undisclosed luxury resort for rounds of golf, bottomless glasses of martinis and a half-hearted group meeting with the heads of America’s top Insurance companies.

images (1)

Not much was accomplished until day 3, while hungover, imbibing on the hair of last night’s dog and a sense of impending doom of yet another year of listening to broke, angry, sick people they were able to work out an acceptable arrangement for all. The LLMP’s agreed to stop using Lyme Disease billing code ICD-9-CM 088.891 and to only use going forward the following codes:

Lupus ICD-9-CM 715.090
MS ICD-9-CM 340.767
Fibromyalgia ICD-9-CM 729.122
Parkinson’s Disease ICD-9-CM 332.122
Alzheimer’s ICD-9-CM 1354.999
Rheumatoid Arthritis ICD-9-CM 714.001

There were several more codes on the allowable usage list but were soon forgotten during the 1950’s dance off jitterbug competition. (I won’t name name’s but one very famous California Lyme Physician won and will be displaying his trophy proudly on his desk!) A few of the doctors were heard chuckling while the insurance CEO’s patted their backs saying “Lyme, ALS, MS? Who cares what we call it as long we’re getting paid? This should keep them happy.”

What does this mean? Yes, treatments will FINALLY be covered if you are willing to assign a false diagnoses for insurance but once again, Lyme patients are denied the right to proudly announce and acknowledge “I has Lymes Disease.” Will those poor Lyme folks ever received the recognition they deserve? Probably not.

 

Advertisements

Lyme Victim ousted for Carbs and Candy

download (2)

It was been brought to my attention earlier this afternoon, that the latest victim of Lyme Disease succumbed not to the disease itself but, in fact, to the ostracization and ousting from all online Lyme groups when her “friend” told everyone that she has been eating candy and carbs. The victim has asked to remain nameless but admitted that she had been regularly binging on bread made with gluten, pizza, cookies and large quantities of candy to help with her depression. When the Lyme Community learned of her self-sabotage they decided tough love was their only option and worked together to black list her from all online Lyme groups, deleting her from their Facebook pages and turning a photo of her into a meme to “teach her a lesson.” When I reached out to the bullied victim her only response was “Fuck Lyme. Fuck those crazy Lyme groups. If I’m going to die, I’m going to do it in my way. In a sugar coma, fat and fucking happy.” The last time anyone saw her was over 72 hours ago, picking skittles out of the bottom of her purse and rubbing raw pizza dough all over her body.

Lyme Patient Wins Powerball – Has No Idea

On Monday, January 11, 2016 a Lyme patient by the name of Amy made the difficult decision to spend her $36.00 on Powerball tickets. She needed more Vitamin C supplements but felt taking the risk to win big was worth the immune system crash.

download (1)

After announcing on Facebook that she plans to open a Lyme retreat free of charge to all of her Lyme friends, paying for their medical needs and lodging expenses, Amy put on her driving helmet, took her life in her hands and drove to the gas station to purchase her tickets. Upon returning home, Amy put those tickets someplace safe for fear a family member might steal them, even though she lives alone.

Watching the news early Thursday morning, around 11:45 am to be precise, Amy suddenly remembered she had purchased lotto tickets and she actually resides in Florida. Florida! One of the winning states!!

Four hours were spent looking for those tickets because she couldn’t remember where she had hidden them but dammit she found them eventually, safely tucked away inside the toaster oven, slightly burned around the edges from toasting that morning’s vegan, dairy free, gluten free piece of cardboard she calls “breakfast.”

As Amy sat comparing the numbers on the lottery page to her tickets she was acutely aware that she wasn’t feeling well. What she wasn’t aware of was that her neurological symptoms were fully flared and she was inverting her numbers.

A single lone tear rolled down her cheek as it sunk in that she didn’t win the 1.5 billion dollar jackpot. She was sad, sure. But she was also scared. Unsure of what to tell her Lyme friends who were counting on her for antibiotics and small, rent free, communal apartments, she opted to deactivate her Facebook account and go into hiding.

Shuffling back to the toaster oven, she placed the tickets back inside for safe keeping and to look at again later. With no money left, no Vitamin C to take and exhausted from the early morning search for the lost tickets, Amy laid down for a nap, forgetting all about the tickets , completely unaware that she was in fact one of the three Powerball winners, that she could purchase a lifetime supply of Vitamin C, and even provide medicine (the real stuff, none of that generic crap) for all 4,000 of her closest Lyme pals.

Lyme chicks are smokin’ hot

For many years now, there has been this underlying theme in the Lyme community. Why are all the Lyme chicks so smokin’ hot? They all look so good. They appear to be tasty morsels of feminity that attract men like moths to a flame. Until recently, nobody could figure out the why or the how.

tumblr_inline_nv7kmzM6SW1tdvcg8_1280

When scratching the surface of this intriguing topic, most have come to a few basic conclusions. Women with Lyme are pampered. They get to sleep a full night and often take naps throughout the day. Add to that, the overwhelming number of vitamins they take, it’s no wonder they have long luscious hair, clear skin and perfect nails. Devoting their time to nothing more than self-care, nonstrenuous exercise and healthy eating ensure these gorgeous gals don’t have to do things like wash dishes, vacuum or work a full time job. Who has time for that when tending to a chronic, debilitating phony disease?

Last week, a group of well meaning, substantially wealthy men from around the globe released to the public that for the last 12 months they have been researching the why’s and how’s of this international phenomenon. The results are in and it is now abundantly clear that yes, Lyme chick’s are definitely hotter than your average female. The why is where it begins to get strange. Almost sci-fi movie weird. It has been revealed that within a tick, is a miniscule heat seeking hotness tracking device. As a tick moves from host to host, there is a radar system that hunts for all that is sexy. When a smokin’ hot lady passes by, this little heat seeking missile launches its attack. Not unlike a man at a club who is on his 14th shot of tequila, the tick will stop at nothing to get a piece of tasty flesh. Our only suggestion is to lock the hot girls away in a tower until the Princes of the medical world find a way to eradicate the disease and those pervy little bugs.

It’s Lymes not Lyme

cropped-1dzkdjt.png

How many times do I have to remind the world that I have Lymes disease not Lyme. That one little letter is the bane of my existence. Do I have only one tiny Lyme bacteria destroying my life? No. I have lots and lots of the dirty little bastards. Check yo English my none Lymes comrades. I have buckets of bacteria and the last I checked when there is a multiple of ANYTHING you add an “S” to the end of the word. Is it Limes disease? Or Lime disease? No. I am not a single piece of citrus nor am I multiple pieces of citrus. Don’t get me wrong. I love me some fresh lime in my fresh squeezed juice (organic of course), straight from my overpriced juicer but please, stop. Just stop. My days are long. My frustrations are many. Get it right or I will correct you but not before I let out a long deep sigh, roll my eyes and do my best to make you feel like a complete and total idiot for getting it all wrong.